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LakarrasWorld

Copyright. © Marnisha La'Karra Hatch 2015. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Marnisha La'Karra Hatch with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Divine

I experience continuous change

And to some it may seem strange

Two poles of emotions

No bipolar

Energy from the Son

My mental went solar

My love can’t be reserved

There are no seats at the table

Tuned in to one channel

No need for cable

I asked for space

Where there’s no gravitational pull

Nothing but matter where nothing matters

Everything’s cool

I chose peace over his love

And learned to love myself

Enjoying my own company

I don’t need anyone else

Confined by nails

With no polished surface

Crossed by four right angles

Revealing my purpose

Lost on many occasions

I simply followed the Signs

My life was mapped out before my existence

My destination divine

—Marnisha La’Karra

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Life of a Nurse

With every tear drop

I feel a sense of relief 

Never imagined life 

This way

I’m in disbelief 

Each night 

I cry myself

To sleep

Thinking of

All I gave 

But my tears 

Are dried

By morning 

Because I 

Have lives

To save. 

To My Unborn Son:

I feel the need to write to you before you’re conceived
I know you can’t hear me
But what I’m about to tell you is life and death
That you could potentially get killed for just being yourself
For being a boy with black skin
Doing nothing wrong
For something as simple as walking down the street at night alone
When a cops stops to ask you a question
And decides he will father you by teaching you a lesson
So he puts a bullet in your chest and
Walks away knowing that he’ll be on paid administrative leave
You see
My son you have to be careful
I’m not teaching you to be fearful but police brutality is real
They’re sworn in to protect and serve but their badges give them a right to kill
It gives them the right to steal innocent lives
Baby boy I cry
For you
I’m just trying to survive
For you
People you’ve never met, Martin Luther King, Trayvon Martin, Alton Sterling, and Philando Castile have died for you
In hopes that things will change and that you won’t have to be shot at point blank range
Even with your hands up
Don’t shoot
I want to tell you that your life matters
Never let the world make you feel inferior
You will be born a king
My son, greatness is in your genes

 

 

Questions

I couldn’t appreciate love
because I always questioned
if it were real
If he was here for the right reasons
would his true motives be revealed
He couldn’t possibly want someone
like me
Short hair, dark skin, with acne
twenty-five, divorced, with one degree
A mixture of ratchet and classy
He had to be here for something else
His actions didn’t show that but I
convinced myself that he was here
for himself
He communicated and showed affection
He called me beautiful everyday
And when I couldn’t find anything
wrong
I assumed he was gay
Yep, that’s it. I knew he was suspect
Maybe that’s why he was so patient
and never initiated sex
That’s why he opened my door
and held my hand
Pretending to be this perfect man
It’s his fault right?
The reason my guard is up
The reason I have all these questions
and can’t appreciate love
Because he couldn’t possibly want
someone like me
short hair, dark skin, with acne
although he said that he did
and he showed that he did
and expressed that he was sure
I didn’t notice because I
was too busy being insecure

Just Because

I received roses for the first time
I’ve always said I hated them
but when they transferred from
his hands to mine
my heart fluttered
and I couldn’t help
but smile

Its been awhile
since I’ve felt those things
in my tummy
the butterflies
and it’s been awhile since
I’ve gotten a gift
I thought I hated surprises

It’s been over twenty-four hours
and I can’t stop cheesin’
because he gave me roses
on a Thursday
for no special reason

Just because

Being a Good Man Isn’t Enough

Good men exist

I walked away from a few

No explanations offered

because I didn’t feel the need to

cause them anymore blues

They finally found a clue

But seemed a bit confused

Because they did nothing wrong

Yea, we can still be friends

Turning bottoms up

Pool parties on the weekend

No diving in the deep end

I want to feel safe and protected

Maybe that makes me selfish

I’m sorry y’all feel rejected

But I won’t change my mind

There’s no chemistry

Three states of matter

We aren’t solids

We’re energy

Four temperaments

we don’t connect

No need for fake love

Like Drake I eject

I feel no regrets

just because they were good men

Word Search

We speak the same language, yet we don’t understand one another
I’m willing to explain, but my words are being smothered 
Gasping for air each time I open my mouth 
My heart is crying out loud trying to find another route to you 
I give you bits and pieces, leaving you to interpret for yourself 
I expect you to hear me without hearing me, meanwhile I’m not offering any help
If I’m honest, sometimes I don’t understand myself
And I don’t blame you if you’ve ever felt 
Lost in my words 
Because I’m lost in them too. 

Runner

She heard it loud and clear

“On your mark, get set, go!”

But she didn’t move

She had run this race before

and didn’t want to lose

She held her stance

and watched as others ran

Her head held high,

arms outstretched

with one foot back

she waited

she waited because she

wasn’t ready to run.

Thinking Out Loud

Her circle was immense

Now she’s a loner

A period in a sentence

You can’t run on her

Grinding in secret

you won’t see her sweat

Degree she didn’t keep it

She has no regrets

Hakuna Matata

After the oxy

If he is Mufasa

She’ll be his Sarabi

A queen with no king

She didn’t need instructions

He let his pride rock

It led to destruction

Four twenty in the A.M

She’s somewhere in clouds

in another realm

thinking out loud

Rain Dance

She remembered the times she smiled uncontrollably
When life made sense
She couldn’t help but reflect on the good
She couldn’t help but reminisce
On a love so genuine
That even the Angels in heaven could feel
On a love so pure
Nothing in the world was more real
Little did she know
It was just the calm before the storm
And from the belly of love
A disaster was born
Swiftly, she took cover
She got out before it was too late
Leaving behind her lover
Was one of her biggest mistakes
She was consumed by the doubts, hard times, and pain
But as she reflected
She realized the storm was temporary and wished she had danced in the rain

The Seed 

Planted out of season 

In a place not fit for you to grow 

In a garden not quite like Eden 

Where no milk or honey flowed 

You couldn’t survive the harsh conditions 

Your roots weren’t allowed to sprout 

On your behalf I petitioned

Looking towards the clouds

Planted against great odds 

You didn’t have the strength to survive 

Not even the soil gods

could keep you alive

My seed. 

Know Your Worth

Never wanted to be a

bad bit

Never wanted to be a side chick

But life stepped in and gave

her no choice

No longer a good girl,

that good girl got destroyed

She was looking for love in

all the wrong places

Looking for trust in all

the wrong faces

Baby girl you’re worth more

than a one night stand

Validate yourself, you don’t

need a man

Magical Minutes

I held on for two minutes
In that time I imagined you were mine
Your head in the crease of my shoulders
as you whispered softly in my ear
sent electrifying waves through my spine
reviving a feeling I thought was dead
Your arms gently touching my skin
caused a sweet melody within me
I could hear the angels singing in harmony
“Oh sweet wonder”
I couldn’t let go
For two whole minutes our chemistry
was stronger than any drug
Who knew such things could
come from a simple hug

Conversation 

Dialogue full of depth 

Meaning

A never ending transfer of knowledge 

Teaching 

The truth uprooting from our souls

Preaching 

Stimulates my mind 

Pleasing 

An effortless climax 

Screaming

An outpour of secrets

Receiving

No force, no strain 

Breathing 

Hours of exchange 

Steaming

Awaiting the day 

Dreaming 

First Love 

My first true love 

The answer to my prayers

The nightmare of my dreams 

My heartbeat

My headache 

And everything in between 

My joy 

My sadness 

The root of my madness

My king

You were everything to me 

It Knows Me

His heart speaks to me

I hear it calling my name

I want to answer desperately 

Am I going insane? 

Words we never exchanged 

And it’s hard to explain

But his heart

his heart knows my name 

Family 

I said yes

a bit too fast 

I knew in my heart 

that it wouldn’t last

But I wanted to create

something I never had

a real family 

Just One

If only I had one person to pour my heart out to All I need is one that’s concerned about what I go through Someone that’s there no matter the day or hour Someone that can handle me, both sweet and…

Source: Just One

Beautifully Flawed

Society gives beauty a definition.. One that I could never comprehend.. It defines beauty by numbers.. and I was farthest away from a ten.. I was picked on for the coarseness of my hair.. and the c…

Source: Beautifully Flawed

Childhood Games

by: Marnisha L. Hatch

He said you’re complicated when I’m just angry.. can you blame me? considering all the crap I’ve been through and you want me to forget all of that and trust you? Cool..…

Source: Childhood Games

You and I 

You remind me of me

 Except you think with your penis 

And I think with my brain 

You’re sort of outgoing

And I enjoy being a lame

But when we come together 

Something ignites a flame 

It’s magical

You and I 

 

Broken Pieces

I tried to hide the hurt

But you exposed it 

And loved every broken piece

Game of Love

Trusting you is a game of Russian roulette
Taking a chance of my heart receiving another bullet
I load the chamber, and spin the wheel
With two possible outcomes, real or not real
Yet, me getting hurt is entirely up to you
even after voicing what I’ve been through
There’s still time left for you to walk away
Save me the energy and I won’t have to play
this deadly game of love

Protection

I thank God for discernment, it’s my secret weapon
I was naive in the past but I learned my lesson
Took notes from the pro, class is now in session
Almost had me fooled by his first impression
Let him go like T-Mobile we had a poor connection
I wasn’t the only trophy, he had a whole collection
boosting him up like a good erection
MVP of the year, his game was perfection
Ball in the zone with no interception
Not thinking with his head, only his midsection
Played with fire, thought he was the exception
Should have told him that girl had an infection
It’s his fault for not asking questions
Maybe next time he’ll use protection

Sunday Morning

She walked in wearing pants
Judged before she even got a chance
to sit down
Instead of a warm greeting
All she got were cold frowns
but she ignored it
She was there for something more important
Walking through those doors was a sacrifice
You see, last night she almost took her life
And she came here seeking help
But no one could see in the spirit because every one was operating in self
Plenty of dancing and screaming but no one got delivered
Recognition was given during offering to the biggest giver
The preacher preached “Go to God for yourself, don’t depend on anyone else”
Only if she knew how
No time to wait for weekday class
She needed him now
Service came to an end, the people were dismissed in Jesus’ Name
And the girl dying inside left the same way she came

Fiction

I woke up to a world that doesn’t accept me
Where favor is given to people who don’t look like me
And they expect me to believe this is the land of the free
No longer in bondage physically but mentally
Nothing is ever as it seems
This was never the dream
Curious to know what the late Dr. King would think
Freedom rings for our people in a body bag or a finals game
Quite frankly it’s sad and they aren’t ashamed
But we must continue to say her name
We get small rewards here and there
to keep us calm like we’re animals
A hundred sponges in a Tub man
squeezed like Danimals
Some say we play the victim
Using the past as a crutch
obedient to a system that isn’t for us
They only teach us so much
we bow at the name of Jesus
But who are Isis, Osiris, and Horus
Are they myths or apart of our history
Who we were is such a mystery
I often question our knowledge
The things we’re taught from grade school to college
Learning at a price we can’t pay
Every dime we make goes to Salle Mae
But I’m not here to complain
Whatever is sown is also gained
I woke up and nothing was as it seemed
Bowed my head for the benediction
Open my eyes once again
To see that it was all fiction

 

Realization

We haven’t held a meaningful conversation in a while
I tend to just pop in and pop out
I say a few things and don’t give You a chance to speak
I give You my burdens and it is Your strength I seek
It’s not that I don’t love You, because I do
I just can’t formulate words after all the things I’ve been through
And not to mention how confused I am concerning You
Trying to separate what was made up to keep me bound and what’s true
One things for sure, I know that You’re real
and no matter how much knowledge I gain
I know that You will remain the same
today, tomorrow and forever more
I’m being awaken from a deep sleep
Throwing up all the crap that they’ve fed me
Removing the traditional covers that held me back
and no longer blaming the devil for the things I lack
Opening my eyes to finally see
the Queen that I was meant to be

Right Skew

There’s a three-way battle between my conscience, mind, and heart
Only one is fighting for you
I’m trying to get the others on one accord
But they’re the most stubborn two

Apart of me long for your company
Wanting you every second of the day
But I can’t seem to appreciate your presence
So I end up pushing you away

My intentions aren’t to lead you on
I’m simply putting you on reserve
Because compared to other runners
You’re towards the right of the curve

The Wait

There were three planes waiting to take off during my last flight from Florida to Dallas. Our plane was waiting first, but the other planes took off before us. Initially, I told the passenger beside me that I didn’t think that was fair. A short time after, the pilot came on the intercom to inform us that we were waiting because they were notified that there was bad weather on the course we were taking. My perspective of the other planes going first immediately changed. Yes, they took off first because they had a clear path to their destination but that wasn’t the case for us so we had to WAIT.

Sometimes in life, we are at a stand still and we have no idea why we haven’t taken off. Little do we know, a higher power is protecting us from what’s ahead. We see others around us pursuing their dreams and we think the way I did initially. We think that life isn’t fair.

If our plane would have taken off and got caught in the bad weather, a lot of damage could have potentially taken place. If you try to take off before time, you can do damage as well. It may take you a little longer to get to your destination, but you will get there eventually. In the meantime, enjoy the WAIT!

Her Strength

They say there’s no such thing as magic
yet you’re able to turn bread and butter into a meal
They say super heroes don’t exist but I beg to differ
because you’re the real deal
They say that parents shouldn’t be their child’s friend
but you have shown me what a true friend is indeed
always here to support, encourage, and even intercede
Times I didn’t think that I would make it
you were right there by my side
When I didn’t have anyone to call on
in you I could confide
It take a strong women to handle work, life
Marvin and Marnisha at the same time
But you put on your superwoman cape
and didn’t ever complain or whine
Thank you for being an example
and showing me how a woman should be
Thank you ma
because without you
there would be no me

Words of a Stranger

I met a stranger in a foreign land, he took me by the hand
Showed me just how beautiful this place was
the perfect gentleman
I met a stranger in a foreign land who told me that I can
do anything my heart desires, as long as there’s a drive within
I met a stranger in a foreign land that taught me to believe
“Anything you put your mind to”, he said “you can achieve”
I met a stranger in a foreign land that showed me brotherly love
The only thing he lacked were wings
I’m sure he was sent from above
I met a stranger in a foreign land, he took me by the hand
whispered softly in my ear, “don’t worry, He has a plan!”

My Journey to Medical School and Why I LEFT! 😳

I can see people shaking their heads and talking to one another about how I’m making the worst decision of my life. The key words are “my life” and until you feel what I felt internally, you’ll never understand. I made a decision not many would have, but I’m happy about it! Ok ok…on to the boring story!

Yes, I went through a lot to get accepted into medical school. I took the MCAT three times to see my score increase by two points. TWO points. I felt as if I did everything right at the time but as I look back, I didn’t put my all into studying and my scores reflected that.

We will start with middle school, yeah I know…I went back to the stone age but bear with me. I attended Northwest Middle School where I was enrolled in the International Baccalaureate program (program for smart students but we rode the short bus). My dream was to become a lawyer. I would lock myself in the room and hold full debates with my stuffed animals. I “graduated” from middle school as Salutatorian. I still have something against the Valedictorian..jk! Moving on..I joined the debate team in high school and I loved it. I knew that there was more to becoming a lawyer and this was the beginning. There was a major plot twist when I was told my grandfather passed. I didn’t understand how he died or why. I had never lost anyone close to me before.He had Parkinson’s disease but he didn’t die from the disease. I had no idea what Parkinson’s was and after doing research I changed my goal from becoming a lawyer to becoming a Neuro-pharmacologist as well as participating in Parkinson’s research. I “graduated” high school in the top five percent of my class…and yes, I still stare the people who were 1-4 down when I see them. Lol! Anyway,  I applied to Ole Miss pharmacy program and they accepted me. BUT they weren’t paying for anything because I only had a 25 on my ACT.  Basically, they told me that my “minimal” ACT score could get me a full scholarship at “another” institution. I guess they meant a HBCU. Well, they were right. I applied to Alcorn State University (GO Braves!) two months before school began and they offered me a full academic scholarship! It wasn’t my first choice of schools, but I would go anywhere to NOT have to attend Jackson State. No shade!

While in college, I was a bookworm. I regret that. If you’re reading this and you are in college, GO HAVE FUN! Well, not too much fun, but get to know people and make bonds! The bonds you make now will probably last a lifetime! I chose to work my butt off because I knew I wanted to become something in life. I wanted to do more than my parents or family did. I wanted to make them proud. While at Alcorn, I met the sweetest Alpha ever! Don’t get too happy, he was a pre-professional guidance counselor! This was the beginning of me being molded into  a “future medical doctor”.  I expressed my goals with the counselors and they did what they were suppose to. They got me internshipssss! Except they were medical/dental internships and I wasn’t interested in either. Most of my college friends were either biology or chemistry majors, all wanting to become doctors. There was one who wanted to do pharmacy as well. There weren’t many pharmacy internships available to choose from and they made becoming a doctor sound fascinating so I applied to a few medical internships and chose to attend a pre-bac program at Meharry Medical College in Nashville, TN. I liked it. They helped us write personal statements, introduced us to life as a medical student/physician, painted it with glitter, and I fell into the trap of going after a dream that wasn’t mine. BUT since I “liked” it sooooo much, I decided to focus my college career on becoming a physician. I knew my parents didn’t have the money to get me there so I came up with a game plan. (XOXO) I knew what to do to get into medical school but somewhere in the back of my mind I wondered if any of it was genuine. I began shadowing physicians and I applied to a rural  scholarship program. They offered me $30,000 a year IF I practiced in a rural area and IF I made a certain MCAT score. I was in school in a rural area, so how hard could working in one be? I visited the hospital (or what they called a hospital) and was saddened. There was one physician but no specialists. I’m a control freak and sucker for things like that so I just haaadddd to do something about it. I didn’t want to work in a rural area but after seeing the lack of medical care people were getting, I accepted the contract through the scholarship program. Initially it was all about the scholarship but after that experience, it was about the people. Rural place to work? Check! MCAT score?  Well…hmmm… Anyway, I applied to medical school expecting a miracle and they told me to increase my score by TWO points to get the scholarship but after retaking the test a second time (I took it three times total), it stayed the same. I graduated from college (early) with a 3.9 GPA. I had no clue what to do from there. I didn’t want to give up on my new “dream” so I applied to a Master of Medical Science program in Indiana. A Mississippi girl leaving the nest to pursue her goal. My family was proud, at least for a few months. I tend to give them a few months of happiness and snatch it away. To make a long story short, I was failing. I retook the MCAT and got the score I needed for the rural scholarship BUT the offer had expired. I FINALLY got the score to get $30,000 for medical school and it EXPIRED? Milk expires..not money! Geez. Lol, while I’m venting ..I forgot to mention that I had gotten married in undergrad AND divorced before moving to Indiana but anyway, that’s no excuse for my failure. I decided to withdraw from the masters program and the week I withdrew, St. George’s University medical school sent me an acceptance email. I knew Jesus performed miracles but this was better than having water turned into wine! The only problem was that it was in the Caribbean. I take that back, it wasn’t a problem. I had always dreamed of leaving the country and I was willing to do whatever it took to fulfill “my dream”. If I have my mind set to do something, it WILL get done, even if I have to lose a toe in the process. I won’t go into the details of medical school. I’ll create another blog because it deserves its own spot light…or black room with no windows or doors, just books.

But during my first year, I questioned if becoming a physician was really what I wanted to do. Maybe it’s the stress of school causing me to doubt myself, right? I knew that my personal statement was full of crap, half of the words weren’t mine, I only chose this path because my friends did, and I couldn’t come up with a good reason as to why I wanted to do this besides my shadowing experiences, the rural hospital visit, and that I wanted to make a difference which was so cliché.  Time passed and I was in my second year of school with the same thoughts. I thought maybe God wanted me here since He allowed me to pass the same courses I failed in the masters program. I felt as if I was working hard towards a dream that wasn’t mine but I didn’t want to quit because so many people were counting on me AND I had taken out so many loans, but I was miserable. When my fourth term (still second year) started and we had more patient encounters (of course they weren’t actual patients), I felt the same feeling I did when I first decided to go this route and it was exciting but it wasn’t in my heart.  It’s kind of like knowing you don’t want to be in a relationship but he gives you Chipotle everyday so you stay. Haha, not quite but I was torn between what made me feel good and what I really wanted. I knew I didn’t want the life of a physician. I didn’t want the constant stress and demand. It was fun acting like a physician in clinical skills but did I want to do this in reality? No. I realized that “medicine is a lifestyle and not just a process that will end after school has ended.”

I know that having a medical degree can lead me to a wide range of career choices and that practicing medicine isn’t the only option with a medical degree. I know, I know!

I was doing well in my second year of medical school. Yes, it was demanding but that’s not why I left. I wouldn’t mind working hard for something that I truly want but this wasn’t what I wanted. I made myself want it just to make my family proud, please people, and call myself a doctor but I was soooo unhappy. I didn’t cry everyday because of the work load (well some days) but I cried mostly because I knew I was going where I didn’t want to. It wasn’t fair to the people who really wanted it and it wouldn’t have been fair to the patients. Dr. Hatch. Yea, it has a ring to it…so did my finger but we see how that worked out. No shade!

I lost a close friend while in medical school. He passed due to a heart attack. He worked so hard to get into medical school, he worked even harder during school. But he passed before he even got a chance to enjoy it, to enjoy life. I think about him daily and I don’t want to spend my years doing something that I’m not passionate about.

I have had to talk two friends out of committing suicide because they felt as if they were stuck in this career and didn’t want to let their families down since they had invested so much in them. I look back and think, that could have been me. I thank God for a supporting family. I feel like I’ve disappointed them again , but I would have let myself down if I would have stayed.

There will be people pressuring you to pursue careers, goals, and  dreams that you CAN succeed in, that you CAN DO but that isn’t yours! I could have become a physician and I could have spent the rest of my life unhappy as well, but I was bold enough to face the facts and finally live my life and do what makes me happy. Yes, happiness is a mindset and you have to embrace the pains but at least let it be the pains of something you will enjoy doing for the rest of your life.

As my line sister Kristen said, “We’re taking a little something from every part of this journey that will contribute to where we end up. None of it is in vain.” 

I wouldn’t trade my two years in medical school. I developed study techniques and gained knowledge that I didn’t have before. I matured mentally as well as spiritually. I now have friends from all over the world. I experienced a new world in Grenada and it made me appreciate life more. I’m not sure if I can find Oil Down back home but I enjoyed my stay on the island. These two years were no walk in the park, but my SGU family made it amazing. I love you guys! 🙂

 

 

 

The Artist

I live my life through other people
simply because I can’t find happiness of my own
I don’t know what it’s like to keep a smile
it’s here one day and the next it’s gone
I introduce myself to myself often
yet I’m still not quite sure who I am
If I were given a test based on knowledge of myself
I would more than likely fail the exam
I wake up and paint a pretty picture
and I present it to the world
everyone compliments the false countenance
not knowing the canvas is just a sad girl
In the evenings, I rinse the paint off
and watch the water flow down my cheek
I guess you can say I’m a bit of an artist
considering I practice this seven days a week
I don’t want my life to be an inanimate object
of happy moments that I’ve drawn
I don’t want to live my life through other people
I would like happiness of my own

Rare Phenomenon

My mind
filled with uncontrollable growth of doubt
was no match for you
Your touch
erased the traces of fear and defeat
that consumed me
Your kiss
helped me to obtain victory,
winning the battle of recognizing what is real and pretense
Your hug
sent a satisfying shock through my system reviving all that had died
Your actions
opened my eyes
and allowed me to see the beauty capable of living inside a human being
Your words
removed the debris that had accumulated in the lines of my fragile heart
You alone
played your role in the repair of an injured soul
A rare phenomenon

Lọjọ kan

One day I will give you a second chance
don’t be alarmed, I’m telling you in advance
I will open my heart as if it’s never been damaged
and the permanent scars, I’ll cover with a bandage
I’ll trust you and your actions, your words I won’t question
second chances don’t come often, consider it a blessing

One day I will see you like I did once before
grin uncontrollably when you come through the door
I will get butterflies anytime I hear your name
no need to build a fire, we can rekindle the flame
I will hug you again, expecting my knees to go weak
fall in love with your intellect each time you speak

One day our cultures will intertwine again
and we will do something sweet to make amends
I look forward to starting over, forgetting the past
building a bond, a love that will last
Mo nifẹẹ rẹ, forever and always
One day I will give you a second chance
But today isn’t one of those days.

You Can Make it

Never give up, no matter what you’re going through
If I made it, you can make it too
The things they say may not be true
But if I made it, you can make it too
You may be stressed from work or even school
But if I made it, you can make it too
Lost friends, lack money, bills overdue
But if I made it, you can make it too
You may have failed at the dream you pursued
But if I made it, you can make it too
Heart aches and pain, emotionally screwed
But if I made it, you can make it too
Married at 21 and divorced at 22
I made it, you can make it too
You don’t have it all, but you try to make-do
If I made it, you can make it too
You may be drowning, in need of rescue
Please believe that He will come through
You have your doubts, a bit confused
But He will never forsake you
Give Him you worries, and your mind he will renew
I’m a living witness,
If He did it for me, He will surely do it for you

Just Wanna Be Happy

I just want to be happy,

is that too much to ask?

You know, pig out on sneakers,

and not have to worry about

getting fat.

I just want to be happy,

is that too much to ask?

You know, genuinely smile

once in a while

kick back and relax.

I just want to be happy,

is that too much to ask?

You know, have someone by my side

that I can confide

in, share my secrets,

and not be attacked.

I just want to be happy,

is that too much to ask?

You know, love on someone

and give them my heart,

have them love me back.

I just want to be happy,

is that too much to ask?

 

Temporary

You’re mine
but in another life time
I drift there with the thought that this could actually be real
But I’m quickly reminded that there’s no such thing as a happy ending
That the love I seek is just a fairy tale I’m pretending
will come true
There will never be a me and you
I’m aware of this truth
But I forget when you’re around
When I feel your touch or see your smile
I forget that this feeling will last only for awhile
That the joy and happiness you’ve brought into my life
The smiles and laughter we share
Are temporary

 

Mission Complete

God called an angel home

To be with him in glory

But left his memory here on earth

So that we can tell the story

Of how sweet and humble you were

A brother and friend indeed

Willing to lend a helping hand

To assist anyone in need

Your smile lit up the darkest room

You shared it selflessly

Your love felt from here to the moon

Affecting lives tremendously

You were more than amazing

Knowing you was such a treat

But God saw fit to call his soldier home

Your mission is complete

–In memory of a dear friend, Chris Ayi-Bonte! May your soul rest in peace!

Asleep

Birth them, nurture them

love them, fight for them

For what?

So that they can continue the cycle

of treating the only ones on their side

like crap

So that one moment they can call

us queens, and the next step on

our crowns and tell us we aren’t enough

Yet, we are persecuted for seeking another

race, when our own turns his back on us

The darker she is, the uglier she is

The darker she is, the more attitude she has

The darker she is…

They have manipulated their minds to hate

the color black

To associate black with sadness and negativity

Unaware of how powerful, sophisticated, elegant,

and authoritative it really is

One day they will wake up and appreciate her

Hopefully before she wakes up and realizes

she’s fighting a losing battle

Unconsciously

 

Nothing Left

At what point should you throw your toothpaste tube away?

When it seems as if there’s nothing left, do you squeeze from the bottom to make sure you’ve emptied the tube?

Do you cut it open to get the last bit of minty fresh paste?

I do.

Before throwing my tube away, I make sure there’s nothing left.

As long as it’s giving me a little feedback, I’m keeping it.

I find myself rolling and squeezing and even digging my brush in until there’s no sight of paste.

I never know when to throw the tube away, even when I’ve purchased another one.

This morning I finally realized that an empty tube serves me no purpose.

I FINALLY threw it away!

I FINALLY let go of you. 

Lost Treasures

I dug deep
in search of a lost treasure
It took time of course
because I had to get past
the layers of hurt and pain
and there it was
happiness
It was buried underneath
the sad continence that I
allowed to take root
I went further to find
strength
I thought it had been taken
but it was covered by
a weak mind
and finally
greatness
Greatness that has
always lied deep within
Greatness that I’ve been
afraid to acknowledge
Pain drove me to dig deep
Pain led to a stronger me

The Seed

You were planted against great odds
You’re a fighter before you even sprout
A little reminder that some good comes from bad
and that there’s still sunshine during the drought
I’ll nurture you and protect you, pick out all the weeds
Ensure that you grow properly, after all you’re my seed

Preparing to Love

I know you’re out there somewhere
I’m patiently waiting to see your face
I know you’re out there somewhere
I’m longing to feel your warm embrace
I know you’re out there somewhere
hopefully thinking of me as I think of you
I know you’re out there somewhere
ready to make our love come true
I know you’re out there somewhere
becoming a successful man
I know you’re out there somewhere
preparing to take my hand
I know you’re out there somewhere
my heart cries out for you
I know you’re out there somewhere
but where? I have no clue..
I know you’re out there somewhere
I wish I had a sign,
to lead me to my true love
my once in a life time
I know you’re out there somewhere

Insecure

I heard the shots fire

words coming right at me

and I couldn’t run

My self-esteem had been killed

by someone else’s opinion

My confidence holding on for life

I was only thirteen

I deserved a chance to

see me before you painted

a portrait of what I should be

My mirror was shattered before

I could become familiar with myself

I was blinded

and now that the blind folds are off

I don’t recognize me

I don’t know who I am

As I look in the mirror

I see me at thirteen

full of insecurities.

Paralysis

I can’t feel a thing

as if someone has given me

Succinylcholine

I’m numb

seeking an antagonist

to reverse the paralysis

of my heart.

So that I can

feel again.

Peace 

In a place of peace 💭 wondering what you’ve done to me…
Taken over my mind and filled my heart 💛 where there was once a vacancy…
No longer empty..
Now that you’ve come into my life…
No more misery 😔…
You’ve removed the knife 🔪..
That was piercing my heart 🔪💜 and killing me 😲…
Now I can breathe 😌…
My days are no longer clouds of gray ☁️, I’m finally able to smile 😄..
Life is no longer purposeless 😒, living is worthwhile 😏..
I can’t pay 💵 you for loving me but I can offer you something money can’t buy 💏💙…
You’ve got a hold of me, and that I can’t deny 🙅

I’m not Super-Woman

Yes, I wear a cape It was given to me by people 

who thought I was Super-woman

But sadly I’ve proven them wrong

Im human like the rest of you

but for their benefit I left the cape on.

And now Im trying to live a life

that I was not equipped to live

So forgive me in advance for 

not fulfilling my role.

I’m not Super-Woman. 

Imagination 

Dark, cold, quiet

just the way I like it. 

The feeling of my covers touching my back

reminds me of you. 

So I try not to move because for a moment

I feel like you’re actually here.

I tap into my imagination 

as I feel the warm sensation 

of your body against mine. 

I hear a voice whisper in my ear

as my smiling countenance disappears 

because it’s not you. 

As I look in his face 

I try to embrace that someone’s actually here. 

But then my covers caress my back 

and I can’t help but to think of you! 

Just One

If only I had one person to pour my heart out to
All I need is one that’s concerned about what I go through
Someone that’s there no matter the day or hour
Someone that can handle me, both sweet and sour
I just need one person to help me feel less alone
One person…just one.. that I can call on
All I need is one person, to hold me after a rough day
Just one to encourage me and ensure that things will be okay
I’m not asking for much, just someone to have for support
Because without it I’ll forever be a crushing boart
If only I had one person present that believed in me
It would make this tedious journey extremely easy
Out of 7.1 billion people, all I need is one
Out of 7.1 billion people, one is better than none

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